Why we want to look like other women

How often do we catch ourselves admiring another woman — her look, her energy, the way she seems to own every room? It’s easy to believe we’re envying her appearance, but more often than not, what we truly crave is something less visible and far more powerful. This post unpacks the subtle shift from comparison to self-connection — and how to reclaim your own presence in a world that constantly tells you to be someone else.

The Moment of Admiration

We’ve all had those moments. You’re scrolling through Instagram, watching a movie, or passing someone on the street, and you see her. She has that something — the kind of presence that turns heads. Maybe it’s her style, her glow, or the way she walks like the world belongs to her. Without thinking, a quiet thought bubbles up: “I wish I looked like her.” It’s subtle, casual, and yet incredibly familiar. But that thought, when unpacked, reveals something much deeper than just a desire to change our appearance.

It’s Not Her Face — It’s Her Energy

On the surface, we think it’s about her looks — her bone structure, her outfit, the way her hair falls just right. But the truth is, what we’re really drawn to is her energy. It’s the self-assurance in her smile, the groundedness in her presence, the way she moves through the world like she belongs. We want to feel like that. We don’t want her face — we want her freedom. Her ease. Her confidence. That intangible vibe that makes her seem alive and unbothered.

The Lie We’ve Been Told

We live in a culture that teaches us if we looked different, we’d be better — more lovable, more accepted, more secure. So it makes sense that our first instinct is to compare. But often, we’re not longing for her appearance — we’re longing for how she seems to feel about herself. That’s what really gets us. Not her size, but her self-possession. Not her clothes, but her comfort in them. We confuse aesthetics with emotional experience. But they’re not the same.

A Mirror, Not a Competition

That girl you admire? She might just be reflecting something inside you — a version of yourself that’s been quiet, buried, or waiting for permission. Her bold lipstick might stir a part of you that wants to be seen. Her carefree laugh might remind you of how much you’ve been holding in. Her stillness might point to a longing you have for peace. Often, it’s not about her at all. It’s about the part of you that’s saying, “I want to feel that way too.”

Reclaiming Your Own Vibe

The most empowering shift is this: you don’t have to look like her to feel the way she does. That energy you admire? You can build it. Slowly, intentionally, and honestly. Not by copying her, but by becoming more of yourself. That might mean speaking up more. Dressing in a way that actually feels good on your body. Taking up space without apology. It looks different for everyone — and that’s the point. Your vibe isn’t a replica. It’s an emergence.

You Were Never Meant to Be Her

You don’t need her face, her hair, or her voice. What you need is your own presence — fully felt, fully owned. You don’t need to shrink, contort, or perform. You get to take up space exactly as you are. Because at the end of the day, it’s not her vibe you want — it’s yours, fully expressed. And that is something no one else can offer you, and no one else can take away.

Author’s Note:

If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear which part hit home the most. Have you ever realized that your admiration for someone was actually a message from a deeper part of yourself? Let’s talk about it — drop a comment, send a message, or share this with someone who might need the reminder that their vibe is more than enough.