I actually have and had a lot of friends. I had several groups of friends, and I am being open and honest here, but I kind of out grew them. I had social anxiety, I believed that I was the problem, I grew, I changed, I became outgoing, I learned all the social skills they wanted me to have. I truly cared about them.

But at a certain point, my rate of growth was a lot faster than theirs. Yes, I may had been socially behind, but it didn’t mean that I was behind in understanding people and life. I think the whole situation actually made me realize that people are not where they say they are, they just hide it to look like where they are.

From all of my growing, I’ve grown into new spaces and out of spaces that I tried to push myself into and I realized that I am still that introvert I have always been. That I have been judged for. I find so much peace in being alone and no amount of “growing” changes that fact.

Because my husband lives with me, I think he has no choice but to grow and catch up with me. 😂 Which I am very grateful for. He always listens and takes the time to understand me. I will say, my mind runs 1000x a minute, and I choose to lean into it instead of slowing myself down like society tells me to.

I have another friend that I like to spend time with, she always reaches out to me and we enjoy doing the same things, but I do like spending time alone, and sometimes people drain me because they are fixated on things that I have past. And I have my other best friend who annoys me too but I miss her. I haven’t seen her in a while.

But I am grateful to enjoy my own company. I have always been like this, and I’m glad that I can validate it now.