If you clicked on this post, chances are, you are someone who tries to be kind, or you are a curious soul who is discovering what you want for yourself. Either way, kindness is something that a good amount of us strives to have.

Kindness is hard in this selfish world. This world is undeniably selfish and it is truly hard to give yourself a reason to be kind in spite of it. But this is where true self reflection comes from.

Let us first define what kindness is. Kindness is when you choose to do something selflessly. Act and respond in a manner that positive and compassionate when it is not deserved. Kindness is not being nice. Anyone can be nice. But kindness is an act of compassion.

Kindness is constantly misused.

It is used as a wager to give an exchange. Or it’s used against them when needed. Sometimes kindness is taken advantage by someone who doesn’t learn from the kindness. In all these situations, kindness was conditional. Is it really kind if it had a condition? Did it really contain compassion if it was going to be brought up against you?

GIVING GIFTS

What are gifts? Gifts can be an act of service, or a tangible thing. When you give a gift, you give it to someone to use in however way makes them happy.

When you give a Christmas gift or a birthday gift, those gifts stay gifts. Do you remember everything you gave everyone? Do you remember it and keep tabs if they appreciated it as much as you wanted them to appreciate it? Do you count how many times they mentioned your gift or used your gift? Do you even remember what you gave them?

UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE

To survive in this world and be okay in the chaos, is to be okay in your mind. My therapist would tell me that the only place I need to worry about being okay, is in my own mind.

People are uncontrollable. Other people’s actions and thoughts are out of your control. It is something you need to let go. Because at the end of the day, your actions to yourself, and your reactions to others, only defines you, not them. Their actions to themselves and others, only define them, not you.

This means that their opinion or reaction to your actions, do not define you at all. Your actions define you.

That being said,

Kindness should stay a gift

Often times people are kind for many reasons. You hear people being kind because they choose who deserves it. Who worked hard enough for the kindness. Who did something to deserve being treated kindly.

Others say “my kindness was taken for granted. I did everything for them and I got stabbed in the back. I was hurt and they took advantage of me.” Which can be a fact, but this kind of kindness is still transactional. This is not true kindness. This is kindness that hoped for appreciation in return.

Not saying that appreciation wouldn’t be nice, and appreciation is an amazing feeling, but kindness should not be performed in order to receive appreciation. This kind of kindness reflects a kindness that has a savior complex. One that wanted something out of it. Who was only kind to feel good about themselves, not to help others or be there for others.

What people do with your kindness is out of your hands. Your satisfaction of being kind should end with you.

Yes, it is amazing to see people benefit and appreciate your kindness. Kindness is what gives this world hope. But this world lacks an understanding of selfless kindness. Selfless compassion.

When you are kind to someone or do a kind act, we should leave it at that. Knowing and accepting that the person could take advantage of it, take credit for it, be ungrateful for it, because at the end of the day, their reaction is out of your hands. But be kind purely thinking about them and caring about their feelings, experience, situation, and pain, rather than how you will feel helping them.

Likely, if someone needs kindness and help, they are down a road that makes them incapable of thinking about you selflessly and reciprocating the emotion that you may expect. They may be in survival mode, which looks different in everyone. Anything could be a fear or a threat. Even though they may look privileged and fine on the outside. But at the end of the day, it isn’t about you. How they respond to you doesn’t define your actions or your value or worth or even your efforts. Your gift of kindness wasn’t done to validate your esteem or your value. It was simply you stepping in to support in a way that you may be able to. Period. To help their situation.

Be kind because you want to do what you can to help in a way you can. And if it doesn’t turn out the way you thought it would, leave it. Because the moment you bring up your kindness to prove to them how nice you were, or how they are ungrateful, your gift came with conditions. And it is no longer a kind gesture.

WHY BE LIKE THIS. WHO WANTS TO BE LIKE THIS.

No, you don’t have to be like this. You need to be who you need to be to be okay and at peace in your heart. But if you can afford it. If you have the mental capacity, let’s try to be selfless unconditionally kind people. Who are kind because we see a need that our privilege can support when their situation can’t. Regardless of reaction and response.