The world can be tough. And most of us tend to care about the opinions of us whether we like it or not. A lot of us are in denial about NOT caring about people’s opinions.

We want to be unbothered, different, “strong”. But we do this by acting telling ourselves one thing, but not actually putting in the psychological work to believe it. Life is each one of our perspectives. That means, there is not one reality. We all live different realities and the moment we realize and accept this, life will get easier.

So how do we live a peaceful life? How do we possibly find a sense of self and peace in a world thats filled with constant judgement?

1. Understand yourself

Knowing yourself so well is, first and foremost, the first thing we need to do so that we grab control of our perception of ourself before others give us a perception of us.

This doesn’t mean we give ourselves “opinionated” understandings. This means we understand our tendencies.

For example — If you talk a lot, someone may say that’s annoying. Others may love your stories and your excitement. But the way someone feels about the fact that you talk a lot, is merely an opinion. It is not a fact, because depending on the person you talk to, those opinions change. Those opinions are not facts. The fact is that you talk more than the average person. And that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Know yourself to a point where you are honest with yourself. That nobody can whip out an opinion of you because you’ve already known the fact about yourself and made understanding and resolve of how you feel about that fact of yourself.

And say you dislike that part of yourself, that is something you are already working on, and someone pointing it out to you is not a shock or an insult, because that trait you have, is something you’ve decided is something you didn’t want for yourself. Them pointing it out, is merely strange that they are focusing on you so much rather than themselves.

2. Identify that inner voice

We all have a negative inner voice. Sometimes you may be shocked where that inner voice comes from. Sometimes you don’t even connect the dots to where that inner voice derived from.

Who is that hater in your mind? Why are they hating on you so much? Ignore that voice. Opinions are not facts, and they aren’t “realistic” and they aren’t “just reality”. Opinions are ONE person’s reality. Not everyones. Soon it will be more and more clear that even the closest person to you has such a different perception of life the more you get to know them.

That inner voice is a hand-me-down voice. Merely anxiety that is trying to “protect you”. But the only thing its protecting you from is you feeling a negative feeling. Feelings will heal, feelings don’t define reality. Don’t let feelings dictate your reality.

3. Know that people are projecting their own insecurities

The world is selfish. It is that plain and simple. Even the kindest people are selfish. Why? Because everyone is trying to be okay in a harsh world and everyone is fending for themselves.

Does that mean we should block ourselves from the world and be resentful? No. You can understand the world and still be kind within it. Because at the end of the day, your life is about how you live it.

When people feel like they are not liked, they will project their insecurities. They will defend their hearts by disliking you and treating you poorly. At the end of the day, people just want to be liked, and people want to fill their empty hearts in whatever way they can. Doesn’t mean the way they do it is justified, but it means people are trying to survive to feel okay. And that is something you can understand about yourself and others.

Some people hide it better than others. And no, its not fair that they can act mean and get away with it, while you are trying to be the bigger person. But its not about you and them. Your life is about you. And your energy, and who you choose to be. At the end of the day, people opinions of you, is not your responsibility. It’s an understanding of their own world. And honestly, nobody will know you as well as you know yourself — as long as your honest to yourself. And be REALLY honest. Are you?

4. Celebrate all your wins. They are ALL important

Everything step you make is a win. Don’t think it’s stupid. Any step forward is a forward in the right direction, whether anyone acknowledges it or not. And you need to understand that you need to be your biggest cheerleader to the point that anyone who celebrates you, will just be affirming what you already know, and anyone who doesn’t, just doesn’t understand where you came from, and that is fine. Not everyone does, and not everyone wants to understand.

And thats okay, they don’t owe you anything. They don’t have to be proud of you or give you a reaction. Don’t live life to get reactions and affirmation from others. Do what makes you proud of yourself to the point that making yourself proud is all that matters. And accept that others live a different life and it’s nobody’s responsibility to care about you, and thats truly okay.

It makes you appreciate those who do.

It would be wonderful if people did, but they don’t HAVE to. Don’t expect anything from anyone. Not in a way that creates solitude, but in a way that creates unconditional love. Give without expecting anything back. Not kindness, not a reaction, not a gift. But because you wanted to do something to help someone.

5. Understand where your value comes from

Your value comes from you (or whatever you believe in). You don’t need validation from ANYONE else. And it’s crazy and almost embarrassing when people think that you do need their approval. This is YOUR OWN life.

Remember, if someone doesn’t treat you well. Says negative things about you, it doesn’t mean you have little value, it just means that they don’t see value in you.

But why does that matter. That is their opinion, and at this point, because your value comes from your own self-validation, it doesn’t even matter what they say about you. Because your value is untouchable. Your value is validated from yourself. From whatever you believe in. You can’t be shaken because why would your value be effected by someone else’s projected opinion.

6. Boundaries

Know your boundaries, and know that they are validated whether other people understand it or not. Your boundaries comes from your experiences in life and the combinations of feelings and interactions that you have come across and nobody but you understands it.

Everyone has boundaries. And you have every right do your boundary. You are the only one who can voice and communicate your boundaries so that other people know. And it is not your problem if other people don’t understand.

It would be kind of you to take the time to try and help them understand, but at the end of the day, if they choose to misunderstand, there is nothing you can do, and those people are probably going to disturb your peace, so maybe it’s time to cut people off.

Conclusion

Once you understand yourself. You are untouchable. Don’t be afraid to feel your feelings. Opinions are merely just opinions. They are not facts, and you really don’t need people to understand. Protect your peace, and live your life most authentic to you.